Will the Real Elizabeth Edwards Please Shut Up?

Why John Edwards Is a Tool

The reason why John Edwards is a low-life has little to do with his affair. John is an ambulance chasing lawyer who made millions alleging that doctors delivering babies caused those children to be born with cerebral palsy, even though studies show this is not true.

It also takes a brazenness born of stupidity to stand in court in front of a jury, channeling the plaintive cries of an unborn child, when at the same time you are perfectly content with having that child hacked to pieces.

Johnny Boy, who is worth 29.5 million dollars, made as a central focus of his campaign “Two Americas,” pointing out how awful it was that some Americans were rich, while the rest of the country lives in squalor. Nobody is forcing Johnny to hoard all of his money and to get $400 haircuts. He could always try leading by example, say by getting a $50 haircut and donating the other $350 to charity.

The Way the World Works

Now Elizabeth Edwards is touring every media outlet in the country as part of her Wondrous Traveling Pity Party and Medicine Show, reenacting her humiliation at the hands of her husband, who had an affair. The whole ordeal was so traumatizing and humiliating that the only way she could cope was to write a book about it and go on a nationwide publicity tour.

Elizabeth, look in the mirror. In her wedding photo Elizabeth is attractive. To look at her now, let me just say that there has been a precipitous decline in her attractiveness. John Edwards found himself in the same predicament that every married man finds himself in, saddled with a wife that an observer would have a difficult time recognizing from her wedding picture. John Edwards looking at his wife is a sort of transgender picture of Dorian Gray –Johnny remains eternally young and handsome, while she turns into an old hag reflecting all of his moral decay.

Elizabeth's age and her cancer mean that she is less fertile at best, or infertile. It is natural for a man to be attracted to younger, more fertile women. This doesn't mean it's pretty. It would be reassuring to all of us if the crippled boy were just as likely to get the promqueen as the captain of the football team, but it's just not the way the world works.

If that sounds callous, there is another way for Elizabeth to play the hand she's been dealt. I know of one elderly guy who married a much younger Filipina. It reached a point where he was in poor health and couldn't get out of the house. At that point she was dating another, younger man. When the old man found out, (and he could see where things were going, since he was incapacitated and she was younger) he dealt with it graciously, saying that he seemed like a nice young man and that he's the type of son-in-law he'd like to have. The wife even brought her “friend” to the house. Rather than blow up and furiously rail against the inevitable, the old man had accepted it, and lived out the little time he had left in peace, without bitterness and recrimination.

Get a Job, Elizabeth

The women (and I use the term “women” loosely) on The View were very unsympathetic to Elizabeth. She must have known she was marrying a grasping ambulance chaser. And despite all of the pain she has endured, she is married to a multi-millionaire. If Johnny is such a cad, and marital life is so miserable, why doesn't she just walk, and take 14 million and change with her?

She is now facing the Hillary Dilemma. If she divorces her wandering husband now, what are the odds of her marrying another multi-millionaire? Sure, she could leave, but the ride on Johnny's Italian handmade coattails would come to an end. Elizabeth might have to live in that horrifying other America, where people drive their own cars, drink beer, do their own housework, and –gasp-- go to work.